album of the week: 8.5

the telephones

We Love Telephones!!!

EMI (2010)

why you'll love it: a few scraps of gold - some of the best telephones songs

why you'll hate it - Incredibly annoying vocals. Gimmick has become tiresome.

I'd like to know what the typical fan of the telephones is like in their homeland of Japan. We're talking about a disco band with English lyrics. They dress like maniacs, dance like spazzes, and manage to namedrop disco in just about every other song they write. Do they have serious fans who cite their lyrics, and tout them as trendsetters of the musical scene; or are they taken ironically, as dumb fun, like I see them to be?

With their third album, the telephones bubble is bursting. The only way I can see this band continuing any further is with a massive production style change, or progressively ramping up the crazy year after year. We Love Telephones!!! is more of the same. Songs like "A.B.C.DISCO" and "I HATE DISCOOOOOOOO!!!" have rounded out my hypothetical all telephones 80 minute mix CD. I don't think I'll need anything else after this.

There are a couple ballads present, which are just as clunky as past attempts have been. There are a few out of place pop-punk kind of songs like "My Girl", which are unnecessary if you like any other pop-punk bands in the world. The album also tries to be a bit more fuzzy/distorted, even with a couple "glitchy breakdown" moments. They're not bad, but don't serve to the band's strong points. The ideal telephones environment is still high production and a bouncy pinball pace.

How far your tolerance goes for the telephones is how you'll receive this. If you are still listening to DANCE HALL MONSTERS today, there is sweet 10 song album in here for you. There is no need for it if you have grown tired of the gimmick, or can't stand Akira's Elmo voice (oh crap, I forgot to mention how over the top his vocals are now! He literally sounds like Elmo the muppet in songs like "Shit! Shit! Shit!". Although this is comically enjoyable when he's singing "I Wanna Die").

As a 14 track album, this is just way too much telephones for anyone. Most of the offending songs on here happen to be ballads. I will admit, the album has been growing on me over the past few weeks. Usually, they have the opposite effect on me - heavy rotation at first and a sharp drop-off within a couple months. Some songs I skipped before are finding their way back onto my iPod. "My Final Fantasy", with its catchy chorus, has finally hooked me. "SAITAMA DANCE MIRROR BALLERS!!" I now see as rivaling Hot Chip's "I Feel Better" as the best epic cheesy dance club song in recent memory.

It's very interesting… as much as I think I want the telephones to go away, I've ended up writing a lot about them. I guess we'll find out next year if they've overstayed their welcome or not. In an ideal world, they'll jack up the synths and make a epic dance-punk album; or they'll just make the same novelty guilty pleasure album again equipped with their high frequency hypnotic soundwaves that make me think they're still just fine the way they are.